Stop being racist with our fellow Indians!!

Hi,

After travelling across the length and breadth of our country I have realised that our people are the most racist people on the planet.

As a South Indian (my Mother is a South Indian), I have heard many infuriating rascist remarks. And I can’t help but wonder that even well educated people could be so disrespectful and racist.

A few of the most popular myths about Southies are as follows:

All South Indians are dark:- Wrong .. Not all southies are dark.. Fair N dusky complexions are also seen in south. Just to convince u… Look at most of the leading bollywood ladies like Aishwarya, Sridevi, Jayaprada, Deepika the list is long..

All southies wear lungi/ saree: – wrong… They too wear normal dresses like any other person from rest of the Indian states.

South Indians are reluctant to learn Hindi: – Somewhat true.. but it also depends on the necessity, exposure N opportunity to learn.

Southies are all madrasi: – Absolutely wrong..  I havent come across a map of India where the area below Vindhyas was labled as M.A.D.R.A.S. If that were true, even Gujrat and Maharashtra would become M.A.D.R.A.S

All southies eat only rice: – wrong… ragi muddi, bhakri, holgi have been a part of the diet much before rice and wheat were introduced.

This is not the only racist behaviour  I have seen. It is sad that our fellow Indians from north eastern states are treated like outsiders in our own country. It is really sad that we are still nurturing the seed of hatred sown by British Colonial Rulers and abusing our own people.

It is my humble request to all, not to make such rascist comments against our own people. They add a different colour to our fabric of diversity. They enrich our culture. They are also humans just like rest of us. They are also a part of our India.

Jai Hind!

 

 

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Fairy tale plot generator.

Friends, here is a fairy tale plot generator, which lets you make your own fairy tale. A small gift from me to the child in you on this Children’s day.

Enjoy making your own fairy tale. And do send me the end to your story.

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Baba Ramdev’s hairdo is bollywood’s latest trend.

Is it only me who is getting this impression that bollywood  is following Baba Ramdev’s hairdo?

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Image sources: Ozee.com, Topnews.in, media247.co.uk

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How demonetising 1000 and 500 rupees notes have united all Indians.

Surf any news channel and the only thing that you get to see is unending queues for exchanging notes.

  • Not much news about any visit abroad by any politician.
  • Not much news about terrorist / anti terrorist attack and condolences offered.
  • Not much news about political parties playing gimmicks against each other.
  • Not much news about caste and reservations.
  • Not much news about bollywood celebrities and their personal matters.
  • Not much news about Delhi smog or winter chill.
  • Not much news about dazzling performances in sports.
  • Not much news about who’s who trying to keep up in elections.

Whole of India, from the kid who doesn’t know blowing his/ her own nose to the bed ridden elderly person, from the rich to the poor, everyone is talking about Money.. Money.. Money.. Everyone is busy in depositing, exchanging and converting 1000/ 500 rupees note. Whole of India is working with a single aim at this moment. Except you and me who have time to sit here and read this… Demonetising money.. The greatest uniter of all time.

 

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Some PJs on the “note ban”

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Gender equality, Men empowerment and such..

An obnoxious piece of humour (gallows humour) about exploitation of men in our Indian society.

Today, I want to expose the real victims of gender inequality.  Yes friends, its not the females who are being victimized. Its the MALES, the real victims of gender inequality. ( You read that right my friend, its the Men who need help.)

Our society has done everything possible to empower the women. But, no one has ever thought of empowering our men. How do you think our society will progress when the men folk have been deprived of their right to live a well meaning life and grow? Even a snake which sheds off its dead, useless skin is better than our society which cannot shake off the scabs of obsolete biased ideas.

Please.. Someone shut the voices of these feminists with western ideas who want Indian women to be empowered. Can’t they see? In our country, women have already been empowered enough, right from the birth. This discrimination against men begins in the womb itself. (Poor men.. They don’t even know what they are getting into by supporting a patriarchal society.) Many girls are blessed and sent off to a better world (heavens) to live in as soon as they are born, whereas, boys have to take birth in this filthy, rabid world and live a cursed life to prove themselves. As a result, more boys are borne than girls.. Which naturally means.. Girls have more options to choose from.. (And anyways.. Girls do love having more options in everything they get. So, it is definitely ensuring a bright future for all the girls and more competition amongst boys.)

After being borne, the sons are spoon fed and well attended as if they are handicaps or invalids. Whereas, girls are left ill-attended to become a strong and healthy survivor, who can fetch/ fight for themselves inspite of having meagre means.

Don’t you know that if you don’t let a bird fly by itself, its wings remain weak.. And thus it gets eliminated from the nature ( Of course!!!! Law of Survival of Fittest doesn’t have any exceptions! I am afraid the day isn’t far, when nature will naturally wipe out men from the face of this earth for being a useless burden and enable women species to start reproducing all by themselves. Do we really want that???).  Why do we let that happen to our sons? Why do we let them down and don’t trust in their ability to grow? Are they so dumb that we can’t train them to be a good human? Why do we let them turn into blood sucking parasites? Why do we spoon feed them and turn them into mentally, emotionally and physically weak people?

And when these sons reach adolsence, they still live a cocooned, handicaped and dependent life, while, the girls are metamorphosed into beautiful personalities by teaching them life necessary skills of fixing meals for themselves, caring for the family members, doing household chores or keeping their surrounding clean. By doing so, the boys are made dependent on the women folks forever. (I lament.. How bad is our society that snatched away the freedom of these boys to decide their very own daily meals??) Even in this age, parents don’t realise how much their sons would suffer for the lack of these basic life skills. Whereas, girls get to experience the joy of doing things by themselves and becoming self sufficient.

From a very young age, boys are let to have very haughty egos about themselves and they turn out to be spoilt, irresponsible, unsuccessful and disobedient brats. While, girls are humbled at each step by using warps and woofs of society, culture, religion, modesty, honesty, honour, emotional blackmailing etc (god knows what and what not!!), so that they turn out to be a really good, responsible, modest, successful and obedient human.

Poor boys, these days they don’t even get to indulge in clothes that they like. They have to stick to trousers and shirts right from birth to death. Whereas, under the garb of maintaining culture, modesty as well as comfort, woman have a variety of options to choose from or rebel against ( You see… Options to choose again. Lucky women!!!) Can’t you see? Women have the power of choosing for themselves and forming an opinion, creating controversies in the world by dressing up the way they want and ultimately adding variety to everyday life. But when it comes to choosing a life partner, parents take the liberty to do it for their daughters (whatever may be the age of the daughter) because, they don’t want to burden their daughters with such a life changing (or may be life damaging) decision. Compare this with a son, who is left to fetch a girl for himself if the parents fail to do so.

As far as boring education is concerned, girls are not burdened a lot with this responsibility, inspite of evolutionary biology stating that girls have better memory than boys. It is the poor boys who have to learn all the difficult things in the books and fetch a job to earn money. Whereas, girls can have their way about this by entirely skipping education. If girls do well in studies and find a job, then that’s a bonus ( Because, then they can afford to have a better bachelorette’s life than bachelors, and a better bookish noob as a husband for marriage). But, if they fail, they dont have to worry too much and can continue enjoying life at the expense of men in their lives. In short, girls get to interact more with everyone, play more, have little stress, have better and real experiences than the snob boys who slog for pieces of papers with numbers on them. Thus girls have a better life in general. Poor boys.. they are left wondering!! Why do girls have such an easy life???

When of marriageable age, this discrimination against sons can be seen more prominently. The poor boys having zero experience at life and who cannot add to their parents’ benefit are left off (sent off on jobs) to do things by their own whereas the learned and experienced girls are highly valued and protected more fiercely by their family. When the time for marriage comes, parents spend way beyond their incomes in the daughter’s marriage. At times, parents also expect sons to pitch in, in order to turn their sister’s marriage into a grand fairytale wedding and her life after it into a luxurious comfy life. The loans incurred thus are then made to be repaid by poor brothers and old father.  Moreover, some parents even try to recover this expense at their son’s wedding by demanding dowry (i.e by selling off their son to the bride by putting a price tag) or by shirking off the responsibility of paying for their son’s marriage. Poor son, he doesn’t even realise that this action by his parents, made his wife loose respect, love and trust in him forever. What a good start to a newly married life!! And, if at this stage, the women cannot afford to buy at the fixed price tag, then she is praised by the entire in-laws family for taking away their son at a lower price, treated like the queen of the house and finally sent off to heavens.

You might have heard a lot of songs where the girl gets blessed for a happy life after marriage.. ( Remember??? Babul ki duwaein leti jaa.. or Mehandi hai rachne wali..) But, have you ever heard of any song where a boy has been blessed for a happy marriage? If you know then please tell me about it. I would be happy to know that there are some parents who wish well for their sons too. Poor boys, who are equally apprehensive as girls, are let off with just a handshake in their marriage.

Even when the bride reaches the in-laws house, she seeks all the blessings from the gathered relatives by touching their feet, while, the groom is left aside to see all the ongoings like an onlooker in his own marriage. Poor boy, he is deprived of blessings from his own relatives too!!! Besides that, staying in a new house as a servile and docile person with new people enhances bride’s qualities of patience, interacting with people, kindness, controlling temper etc. (A sure shot way to attaining sainthood and heaven in this life itself.)

If the girl is smart enough to earn, then she easily holds an upper hand over her dumb, handicap and useless husband who knows nothing beyond going to work, boozing, gazing and lazing in front of TV sets. He has to wait like a timid hungry puppy for his meals while she cooks her choice of food. He has to depend on her for every piece of cloth.. even getting a small clean raiment to sneeze or conceal his shame is now at the mercy of his missus. Not only that, having a presentable or cosy house is also a task which he cannot do for himself.

Later on, when the couple is expecting or caring for a child, its the women folk who get maximum leaves and benefits while no one cares for the Daddy of the newborne. The Mommy gets to spend more time with her kids while Daddy is not even visible in the picture. Its Mommy, who gets to see life coming to a full circle, while Daddy slogs like a robot and cannot experience the little human, who is so much like him. Poor Daddy doesn’t get to see the satisfaction on his kid’s face when the kid eats out of his hand, he doesn’t get to see how much his kid loves the food he cooks.. (Oh thats a far fetched statement.. Daddy doesn’t even know cooking!!) Daddy doesn’t get to see how his kid is babbling things, sqabbling with toys, trying to connect and learn with the world around him. Poor Men, they are deprived from this experience called LIFE, just because they have got this single role of being a breadwinner. Take away this role from them and men are left with identity crisis, as if they are an extra without any function in the predecided framework. ( And, I still wonder why is our society called as Patriarchal society.)

And, here we have all the feminists conspiring against men, by crying hoarse, that women are being victimised. I am sure no women will let this truth out.. But it is TRUE.. Men, its high time you realised this ETERNAL CONSPIRCY against you…Its high time you took a courageous stand and demanded more from life!! Its high time you shattered the shackles of shame enforced on you just because you are a man!! Its you who need to be empowered… You have to fight for leading a meaningful life. Men folks.. You have to take charge of your own life!!! You have to say.. Even we are capable of doing the roles stereotyped as woman only.. without any shame!! You can also be something more than what this traditional Indian society has defined you to be!! You too can have a FULLFILLING and SELF SUFFICIENT life!!

 

 

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Arrogance

This hilarious incident happened when a student of our class, Master Flour Mill, sang an English poem in front of the entire class.

Flour Mill Shailendra (name changed) was the joker of our class. We named him Flour Mill, because, he looked like the mill worker, who had just stepped out of the flour mill. Master Flour Mill used  to apply A LOT OF talcum powder. Probably, he used to pour the entire bottle of talcum on himself after bath. (We concluded this because, we could see white traces of powder stuck to his oily hair, ears, eyelashes, soda glass spectacles etc. White powder would be smeared across his forehead and neck like vibhuti. Once, our Hindi teacher smacked him on the back and it raised a small cloud of talcum powder. Well.. thats another story.)

Flour Mill came from a well to do family. He was a very arrogant student. He had an air of discipline around him. He would try to appear very sophisticated in everything he did. His walk, talk, gestures, language, behaviour everything was disciplined and sophisticated. He never mingled with any students in the class (He probably considered all of us inferior to him). He was an average student, but still, he always wanted to show off as the most brilliant student ever present in the class. And, in his attempt to appear superior, Flour Mill would end up becoming the butt of joke for the entire class.

I particularly remember this incident from our 9th standard English class. Flour Mill was very sick. He missed the class for 4 days.  Which meant, Flour Mill did not know about the English poem/ English song competition declared in the class by Hegde Sir on Monday. Seeing our poor literary knowledge and little interest in English literature, Hegde Sir had come up with this idea of competition to improve our interest in literature.

According to the rules of the competition, each one of us had to recite a group or solo song/ poem of our choice in English (in front of the entire class on Friday, in the first period). Hegde Sir, along with a few other teachers would judge the recitals and give us marks. The best recital would then be chosen as the winner of the competition.

Master Flour Mill was oblivious to all this development in the class. On Friday, Flour Mill entered in the class with the same air of discipline and sophistication around him. He looked around the class while approaching his seat. Each and every student was busy reciting or singing some poem or song to their friends. This was a surprising deviance from our regular behaviour of running around in the class, screaming or banging benches. Flour Mill didn’t take the pains to enquire about this sudden change of behaviour. As usual, he sat on his seat, took out a copy and kept staring at it.

Flour Mill’s bench partner Muthu was busy singing his song in the opposite corner of the class. He had watched Flour Mill entering in the class. As soon as Flour Mill settled down on their bench, Muthu enquired in loud voice from the other end, “How are you Ponds Powder?”. This agitated Flour Mill and he replied, “I am fine Muthu Kuthu. You MIND your own business.” But, being the compassionate friend that Muthu was, he invited Flour Mill to join him in singing “We shall overcome” for the competition. To this, Flour Mill screamed back arrogantly, “I ALREADY KNOW A LOT OF ENGLISH SONGS. I don’t have to prepare like you dumbs. I CAN sing whatever I want and whenever I want.” With this, Flour Mill continued staring in his notebook with the expression of solving some serious mystery of this universe.

When the bell rang, all of us hurried to our seats. One by one, students recited their practiced songs. After Muthu’s song ended, it was Flour Mill’s turn. Flour Mill stood up from his seat, walked in a sophisticated gait towards the board with his head held high, when he reached the front, he turned around and looked at the entire class with an air of superiority around him.

Hegde Sir: “How are you Shailendra?”

Flour Mill: “I am fine Sir.”

Hegde Sir: “If you are not prepared, you can prepare on this weekend and recite it on Monday.”

Flour Mill: “Na Na No Sir.. I mean Yes Sir.. I want to recite it right now Sir.”

Hegde Sir: “Ok, then go ahead.”

Flour Mill: “I would be reciting an English song composed by Venga Boys.”

At this announcement, half of the class suppressed their chuckles. Pious Hegde Sir did not know who Venga Boys were. He and other students who didn’t know Venga Boys listened intently.

Flour Mill: ( Started singing, while shaking up and down to the rhythm) BRAZIIILLLLLLL… TA RA RA RA RA RA RA RA RA… TA RA RA RA RA RA RA RA RA… TA RA RA RA RA RA RA RA RA… BRAZILLL.. Oooo…

With this, the entire class burst out laughing. Muthu laughed so hard that he fell down from his seat and rolled on the floor. Everyone knew that it was the famous party song played at all the Ganpati decoration pandals . Yes.. Flour Mill had actually sung an English song with just one word “Brazil” in it. It was a valid entry, but, by no means it was close to what Hegde Sir wanted us to do. The expression on Hegde Sir’s face was priceless!!!

I do not know how much Flour Mill scored in this competition.. But yes,  he gave us all a hilariously memorable incident to remember for the entire lifetime!! (:

 

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Kitchen pariksha- Take it with a pinch of salt!!

See this is what happened when I worked for the first time in the kitchen of my in-laws home.

This funny incident happened a couple of days after my marriage. We (I, Nilesh, my Mother in law and brother in law) had stayed at Nilesh’s maternal grand-parents’ home near Shirdi (Ghodegaon) for a few days.

The ladies in the house had already told me about Dada’s affection for tea. They also narrated their episodes of “Kitchen Pariksha” and forewarned me to be prepared for appearing in this exam. “Dada tujhi pan kadhitari pariksha ghetil!! (Dada might someday put you to test!!)”  Sensing my anxiety, they thought I might have never ventured near kitchen in the past and they would be happy to help me, if I had to give an impromptu test. ( But, I was anxious, because except tea I had already tried perfecting other recipes in the kitchen.)

As foretold, one evening, when the ladies were busy in the courtyard with some daily chores, Dada ordered me “Malaa ek cup chaha karun de. ( Make a cup of tea for me.)”  I promptly went to the kitchen and started making tea.

Now, I myself don’t drink tea. So, I had made tea on very few occasions before. (Yes.. yes.. you can count on fingers the number of times I made tea). But, I had (almost daily) observed a ‘Tapri wala making Special Chai’ for his customers. So, I thought of using his trick to make an impressive chai. (I had once tried it at home and everybody liked the tea. So I assumed it would be safe to repeat it again.)

I turned on the gas and placed a vessel on it. Added a cup of milk, some water, a spoonful of tea powder, sugar and some ginger to it. (I wanted to add elaichi too. But I didn’t know where to find it. So I dropped this idea.) I waited patiently for the mixture to boil, stirring it occasionally with a teaspoon. (With every passing second, I felt anxious and I wanted to test its taste… No No.. Dont get me wrong!! I wasn’t tempted to drink tea. I just didn’t want to fail this kitchen pariksha and end up giving a miserable tasting potion to the elderly man of the house! And yes.. I wanted to make a good impression afterall!!)

When the tea boiled and had a presentable colour (I thought the colour had turned out to be perfect), I added a very very small pinch of salt ( Now, this was the part of Tapriwala Chai secret trick, which I intended to use for making a good impression. Also, I was oblivious to the fact that the news of me making tea had spread throughout the household).

Now picture this scene (in slow motion, like some tamil movie action scene):Me with a salt dabba (container) in my hand, adding salt to tea.

At that very moment, Nani (Nilesh’s maternal aunt) entered into the kitchen and hollered “Agggaggagga.. Tu sakhar samjun meeth taklas chaha madhye.  Akkkkaaaaa.. Bagha tumchya suneni chahat meeth takla.(Agggaggagga.. You mistook salt to be sugar and added salt to the tea. Akkkkaaaaa.. Look your daughter-in-law added salt to the tea.).” (I hope now you have stopped picturing the slow motion and returned to normal speed. If not.. Please return back to normal speed.) She was completely flabbergasted by my act of adding salt (No I am not exaggerating here). She immedietly ran out to break this news to the entire household. (After she went, I could hear giggles from outside.)

The next moment my mother-in-law (will write henceforth as MIL because I am lazy) hurried into the kitchen.

My MIL : ” Meeth taklyavar chaha kharat jhala asel… Dusra banav sakhar takun. Ti bagh tithe sakhar aahe. ( The tea must have turned salty. Make another cup of tea with sugar. Look there is the sugar.)

Me:(Not knowing how to translate ‘a pinch of salt’ to marathi and the basis for its addition to tea) ” Mi sakhar takliye. Meeth thodach chavipurta takla aahe. (I have added sugar. I added salt just for taste.”

My MIL: “Meeth taklyavar chahatla dudh kharab hoil na. ( After adding salt, the milk in the tea will get spoilt).

Me: (Still wondering how to explain that the milk doesn’t remain milk after boiling it with tea powder. It has already turned into tea.) “Nahi honar. ( It won’t happen.)”

Now I was worried.. How would I taste a spoonful of tea right under the nose of my MIL? What if the tea has really turned out to be a disaster? Or worst.. What if they insist on throwing it away and make another cup of tea? Oh.. How I wanted to make a good impression and ended up becoming a laughter stock!! I argued with myself.. (No Neelam.. Dont worry.. It must have turned out to be good. It looks and smells good afterall! You added everything in correct proportion. Just calm down and serve it!!! You did your job well!!! (Imagining myself patting my own back.))

I poured the tea in a cup, timidly went to Dada and served it. Dada poured the tea in the saucer, drank it with content and without any complaint. After finishing the tea, Dada smiled and complimented, “Ekdum hotel sarkha chaha jhala hota. Changla hota bara ka! (The tea tasted just like the one served in hotels. It was nice!)

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Some accidental song parodies😂😝

You know.. sometimes we do not understand the lyrics of certain songs and conveniently replace the misunderstood words with what we think is right. 🙂 And, on some occasions, this creativity unleashed by us can result in an absolutely hilarious parody. Following are a few incidents witnessed by me or narrated to me where the singer was so involved in singing the song that they didn’t realise they made my day while singing it!!!

Incident 1:

My 7 year old cousin sings and jiggles to the following song…

” Chikni Chameli Chupke Akeli Kauwwa Churane Aayi.. Aaha Chikni Chameli Chupke Akeli Kauwwa Churane Aayi”

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(Oops!! They flew away.. 😅)

Incident 2: (Narrated by my husband to me.) One of his acquaintance gets carried away in the mood of this song and sings (with all the correct musical notes and tune)

“Apsara aaaali.. Indrapuritun khali, pasarli khali.. Ratna prabha tanu lyali”

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(Just a slip of taang.. 😛😝)

Watch this space for more such accidental parodies!!

 

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Kids these days!!!

Incident 1:

I know.. I know.. I should be studying for CSIR NET Dec 2016. But, I couldn’t keep my focus when I saw this cute little devil Harsh waving his tiny hand at me and babbling out a Baeba which I suppose is me. (Probably my name in his baby language could mean Baeba. Or was he calling me back as Baby? Anyways.. Who cares? As far as it is something which we both can mutually understand and communicate, I think, what he says really shouldn’t matter.)

Harsh is a one year old chubby cute boy, very smart and just like his name “always happy”. He is absolutely fair and chubby (like the baby doll you get to see in the kids toy store), has brown curly hair, light brown eyes and a very very sweet smile.

He was wearing a golden yellow T-shirt and a red cap. To me, he looked like a cute little fluffy duckling ready to be hugged and cuddled. (Now you know.. you cannot blame me for getting distracted for a moment.)

So, I waved him back, speaking in slow playful baby tone Harrshuuu.. Helllooooo…” And this smart boy immedietely put his right hand to his ear and said “Aeellloooo”  (gesturing the act of speaking on phone). Following this, both of us burst out in a fit of laughter.  For a second, I thought, even I dont use “Hello” to greet any of my friends when we meet face to face. (It seems too old style for us. I or probably most of us use it only while receiving a phone.) Ahem.. Kids these days are way too advanced!!! Phew!!!

Incident 2:

A couple of years back, I was watching “Chillar party” movie with all my cousins on some movie channel. During the break, an advertise for Whisper Sanitary Napkins was played out by the channel. My 7 year old curious, talkative and innocent cousin Vipul wondered what could it be? And, going by his experience, he concluded that it was some kind of diaper used by older people when they cannot fit themselves in baby diapers. But still unsatisfied by his own conclusion, he turned around and asked me.. “Didi, tyanna mummyni susu training nahi diliye ka? (Didi, didn’t their mothers potty train them?)” Ahem.. Kids these days are way too advanced!!! Phew!!! (: (;

 

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